Released 28 March 2020
- You might be reading about this podcast because you are thinking about taking out an AVO to help you feel safer,
- or the Police have recently taken out an AVO on your behalf or
- you have had an AVO taken out against you and now have to appear in court.
In any case, you are looking for more information to understand the process,
‘because that’s exactly what it is.’
Just a Warning, this content contains detailed references regarding violence and trauma. Whilst it has been created respectfully, it is not intended to offend or alienate either gender. It is general advice only. If it triggers anything for you please seek the help you need. It’s aims to share all perspectives whilst working towards being a more cohesive society that operates under a banner of mutual respect in intimate relationships.
In this podcast I speak with frontline practitioners including lawyers, counsellors, emotional health experts and first responders who are dealing with the insidious epidemic of Domestic Abuse and Violence.
IMPORTANT NOTICES ABOUT THIS PODCAST
Whilst we examine and discuss each process of the AVO, the podcast also shares professional insights as to why you may have ended up in this situation. Where you have either instilled fear into the mind of your partner or family member who requires protection and wants your behaviour to change or you are experiencing fear, abuse or violence from an intimate partner or family member and want their behaviour to change. What I will say here is that at this point it just got very serious, but you have been given the opportunity to sort it out and have a good look at yourself and your relationship and try to figure out why this happened, making a strong commitment to changing your attitude and beliefs.
All AVO’s are taken out to intervene in violence and reduce the apprehension of fear. If this has come as a shock to you this situation may be very confronting and I would urge you to listen to each episode with the intention of learning more about yourself and identify the concerns of your intimate partner or family member who are the PERSON IN NEED OF PROTECTION.
For the PINOP. Your concerns are valid and we acknowledge the fear you have. I understand that you may not want to end this relationship, but you most definitely want the behaviour of your partner or family member to change. Understand, the AVO is a process to provide the opportunity for this to occur but it does not offer you the physical protection you may be seeking, that is your responsibility and if you have children, their safety is also your responsibility. I have found most PINOPS are emotionally stretched and daily life can often be a challenge. You need to take time to recover from any trauma, do what you need to do to rebuild your confidence and find find support. Seek referral to counselling and mediation immediately and identify the issue and strategies to deal with them. Reframe your expectations of the Police to provide personal protection or personal representation at Court – they have numerous matters to present and it is a process until the AVO is agreed to or heard in front of a magistrate. I urge you to take responsibility for your own safety and find the resolution that works for you, don’t wait for the ‘next court date’. You deserve to be respected, spoken to respectfully and have a right to privacy, time, space and freedom from controlling behaviour.
For the DEFENDANTS. Allegations of abuse and violence are confronting and should be taken seriously. You may feel anger, frustration, shame, guilt, embarrassed, fear, resentment and regret. These are emotions that you need to take responsibility for and process without harming other people, verbally, emotionally, psychologically or physically. Whilst you may not think it amounts to abuse, it’s difficult for you say what it is when it’s someone else’d perception. Learn what domestic abuse and violence looks, feels and sounds like. This process is a reality check so download these resources and be honest with yourself.
- 12 Red Flag Check List
- DV infects every part of your life
- Why she stays
- Men Are Scared
- You are teaching her to live without you
- 200 Versions of You
- Restorative Practices for Red Flag Relationships
ABOUT THE PROCESS
Every AVO situation is different and can only be assessed by Police and the Courts on the information provided. If you refuse to provide your version of what happened or raise your issues, the situation may continue or is prolonged. The Police may even seek to proceed with an application regardless. I would encourage both parties to seek immediate referrals to couples counsellors to resolve the conflict, psychologists to help you do the work on yourself and family mediators to discuss the process of separation if that’s what you want Why? Listen in to the podcasts as we help and support both PINOPS and DEFENDANTS heal from the hurt, resolve the resentment and quell the anger and frustration.
It is important to understand that as AVO’s are currently processed through the criminal jursidiction and subjected to criminal law and penalties, you and only you are responsible for your actions, behaviour, choices and decisions. Any legal service may provide you with advice, often fuelled by the size of your liquidating assets, but be clear, they will be acting under your instructions. This gives you complete control in your capacity to respond to any allegations or applications you make. You can also choose to remain calm, be civil and make good decisions that reduce conflict.
Understanding of the root cause of violence against women, domestic abuse and the contributing and influencing factors of this insidious behaviour empowers both parties to take responsibility for their own behaviour, choices and accept the consequences.